BLOG POST #8: Tell us a story about a time in your life when you needed and received care. What did this look and feel like? How did SYSTEMS play a role in your story--how were institutions caring or uncaring?
The time in my life I needed and received care was when my mother passed away. She passed away 10 years ago, and it does not look like a moment or a year; it seems like the entire grief process of the past 10 years. I was 16 years old, and my mother had been sick for 7 years before her passing. I can not name a story in which I received one collective sense of support or care. I received love and care from friends, family, school staff, teachers, professors, etc.
This felt and looked very individualized. I was supporting my dad and my home at the same time as grieving my mother, so when I received support from a teacher, it would be in the moment. These moments may have gone on for 10 years but may have been throughout one year. If I think about a moment I have felt cared for and needed care, I would mention visiting my aunt, my mother's cousin, in NY. I took a trip and needed to get into the conversation without someone who really felt the loss of mine as their own.
Initially, I couldn't believe that going to my aunt's was fulfilling a pedagogy of healing justice, but it is. I only considered visiting my aunt as a healing moment once I read this week's reading of healing justice. My aunt was a supportive human being who believed the process in which we heal has to be attained by talking to my ancestors or voicing my fears and sadness. My visit was because I hadn't visited in some time, but my aunt could see I needed time to heal and just feel like a child, to be a kid again. Feeling cared for feels like being a kid again. I have duties and responsibilities of being an adult and ensuring my home is safe and taken care of, but going about and being catered to is how I feel cared for. Someone asking to fulfill a want, a need, is an act of care to me. Healing is continuously working to feel better from all the hurt but realizing that hurt will always be there, and there is always healing around the corner.
Systems played the role of acting as is. Institutions did not participate in my care, but pieces of the institutions i.e., professors, staff, community folks, family members, etc. Institutional systems kept me going and made me pick up the duties my mom left, but my dad couldn't understand. These systems forced me to pick up immediately and move forward, continue to go to school because I have grades and a diploma to get, to go to college, to get a job. The system makes me go, go, go. I have worked 2-3 jobs to manage a home and my bills while attending school full-time because the system made me. The care I felt was taking time to visit my family and go against the system. These were the moments in the past 4 years when I felt loved and cared for.
The system sucks. I am exhausted.
Listening to No More Grind: How to Finally Rest with Tricia Hersey made the connection between being free and resting.